Part 2 of Money Talk(s)

This is a continuation of sorts, so you may want to read my prior post before reading this one.

In the 60’s my father was able to buy a home. It wasn’t much by any means. As a matter of fact it was probably one of the more distressed ones in what was already a tattered neighborhood in East L.A. None the less, my father with his sole factory worker income was able to purchase a home for his stay at home wife and his 5 children.  It was not easy and as I mentioned in my previous post, my mother was instrumental in taking that income and using in such a wise way so as to meet all our needs while having to deprive herself and sometimes us of many of our wants.

Now let me premise this by saying, I know this is no longer the 1960’s and that many, many of you need two incomes to meet the NEEDS of your family. I do get that. But since this is MY blog, I get to say what I want, because as the title says, it’s ok to disagree, you have the right to be wrong, haha. Let me also state, that as some of you know Barbara does work, so I’ve been on both sides.

What is the purpose of writing this, well for the most part it is just to continue with my talk about money. It is also meant to encourage some, and maybe give an additional perspective to others. These are difficult times and I don’t claim to be any kind of financial anything, everything I say, comes from what I’ve learned through experience, what I gleaned from various people (including my mom), what I’ve read and mostly what God has showed me through His word. The last one, whenever I followed it, proved infallible time and time again. Let me also add, that I don’t claim to have a stockpile of money, not by a long shot (not by a very, very, very long shot) Barbara and I continually have to make decisions based on limited financial resources. But because some simple truths we’ve learned, we do not have to live paycheck to paycheck. These are basic truths, to illustrate; I’ll use my son as an example.

From their youth, I have taught my children to divide their money, into 3 parts, give, save and spend. They have particularly been consistent in tithing (giving to God). In any case, my son who is a musician (a very tough business). Last year he made about $17,000 from playing and from working part time in a music store, but mostly from playing. He lives at home, but he rents our little guest house. And yes, I do charge him to live there, because life is not free.  So he pays me $225 a month, (BTW, he is two months ahead) and pays for all his own “stuff” for the most part. Since he is self employed, he must pay a lot of self employee tax in addition to income tax.  I asked him, how much have you saved. He said $4000. This is in addition to his checking. That to me was impressive.  No debt, pays his way and decent savings. He also mentioned that when he picked up a check this week, they gave him two, one for two weeks before. He had forgotten about that one. Believe me; nobody forgets a check, when you live check to check.

As I mentioned above there was a time when one relatively low income could not only raise a family but buy a home, albeit rather modestly. That’s the key word – modestly. As a society, we have forgotten how to live modestly. I remember as a youth, that “rich” people drove luxury cars, such a Lincoln and Cadillac’s. Now there are so many luxury cars out there, it seems even those who work part time drive cars nicer than mine. I’m not knocking luxury cars, I’d love one, but that just does not fit in my current financial plan, I actually could buy one, but at the expense of something currently more important. Many in our culture, also do not want anything used, be it a car, refrigerator or a couch. We all like new, but let’s face it, sometimes used makes sense, particularly when you’re young and starting out.  So for those young adults or young married couples, if you chose to furnish your place with hand me downs now, when you are older, you will be able to buy new, or vice versa.

About 10 years ago when my wife asked me about her working, (and yes my lovely wife, always asks me, not tells me. This is something she does out of respect for me, as the leader of our home and something I truly appreciate about her. 95% of the time I tell her to do as she thinks, but I like the fact that she respects me enough to ask). Anyway, of course we could use the money as by now all of our children were in private school, she had gone to school to be a teacher and a job was available at our children’s school. But it meant she would be gone a lot. This is still something I deal with, just the amount of work involved. So we decided that it would be o.k., not ideal, but private high school was coming as was college.  I only had one condition. Some of her money would be used to help pay for school and the rest I wanted no part of it.  I did not want her to contribute to our household income at all. Why? Good question.  When my younger brother David was about 24, he was making about $10 an hour, I asked him how much would be enough? He said, "$15 will do it, that would be enough".  Years later when he got a much better job, I asked if $15 was enough, “yeah right” there is no way. You see, once your income rises, it is near impossible to go back, at least voluntarily. So I told Barb, use the money you earn for things for the house, for yourself, for gifts, to help the kids, etc. In other words, for wants, not needs. It has been that way for over 10 years and it continues today. I know some of you may think, well you didn’t’ have to buy certain things with your income, because she paid for it with hers. I realize that, but when all the math is done, I know that if she quit, things would change to an extent, but that option is open to her because of the decision we made over 10 years ago.  BTW, if she continues to work, she can retire when I retire, regardless of her age.

Again, as I mentioned earlier, I know some of you do not have this option, even with both of you working your NEEDS are barely being met. I don’t judge you at all, and for you moms who are fortunate to stay home, you should not judge them either, just as working moms should not judge those who stay home. What we all should do is make sure we are using our God given resources in a way that honors God and our spouses. Like I mentioned, I don’t have all the answers, particularly for those who are really struggling with things like upside-down mortgages, loss of job, health issues, bankruptcy, etc. I do not know enough to offer you any solution other than to say, you need to seek Godly professional help. This simple blog is just to offer some encouragement and a perspective, you may have not considered. Please don’t be offended or write back just to tell me I don’t understand, as you are most likely right. Take it for what it’s worth, for some of you it may be nothing, that's ok.

With that, here are a few simple things I have done in the past that has helped me:

·        When (and if) you get a raise, save part of it. You’ll still get a raise and you’ll also get some savings.

·        Automate. I know many of you still don’t trust computers, but let’s face it they’re involved in everything we do, so have part of your check; what-ever it is, deducted automatically and deposit in a savings account. Pay bills online, save on postage.

·        Save all year for Christmas. Nothing stresses parents out like not having any money for Christmas. Use the above method to save for Christmas. Also remember what I mentioned about Christmas in my last blog.

·        Use Cash. Most people don’t like to let it go, so use that to your advantage, forget the credit card.

·        Give God his share. If you claim to be Gods child give Him his share. For those of you who think the church just uses it for its own desires. Shame on you, I’ve been on many church boards and we (the board) decided where it was spent. Believe me, it’s not easy and the last thing we want to do is mismanage what God has entrusted to us.

“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and TEST me now in this,” says the Lord of hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven, and pour out for YOU a blessing until it overflows”. Mal. 3:10

·        Live on a budget. Stop procrastinating and just make one and stick to it. It works, believe me.

·        Know how to shop. Research, know what things cost. Know if you are getting a good deal, don’t trust the salesman that it’s a good deal. Example, fruit and vegetables are much, much cheaper at many of these “Mexican” or “Asian” markets than at Ralphs; just don’t buy things like toothpaste there.  You have to learn this.

·        Buy in bulk – but only if needed. I treat my garage, like a warehouse, when I run out of laundry detergent, I go to the garage and get another large container, and then I restock the garage, so we always have laundry detergent, at a cheaper price instead of running to Ralphs to buy a small expensive container.

·        Teach your children. Children are not taught finances. They usually learn by getting in debt. Teach them so they can avoid that.

·        Collect money. What I recently began doing was collecting $5 bills. Every time I get a $5 bill I save it. When I get enough I put it in the bank or use them for cash at home. They add up quickly and you can control they’re accumulation.  $5 is too much? Then do $50, yeah I said $50. You rarely get them, you can tell whoever is giving it to you to give you 2 $20’s and a $10 instead, but once in awhile you’ll get one, try to save it. To hard? Then save all change, never spend change, use it as your vacation fund. Have your children collect quarters, the rule is, they can’t spend quarters, they could only save them and trade them in for spendable $5 or $10 bills. You’ll be amazed at how quickly they learn.

·        Cut back on the wants. Wants will never go away, they can’t be satisfied. All we could do is learn to deal with them.

I could go on and on, but I’ll stop.

We have a decently stocked pantry. Inside you can usually find a number of things to eat. Our neighbors the Enriquez’s sometimes call us and ask if we happen to have a particular item, be it a couple of onions or a cup of oats as an example. Often we do and share it with them, we sometimes call them and they do the same. Once in a while I will find a half bag filled with potatoes that have vines growing out of them, and are no longer fit to eat, I bought to much.

Having a great deal of money can seem like a great thing, and it is if used properly. We all want to make sure we have enough to meet our current and future needs. But I’ve come to the conclusion that life is too short. We should keep money like we keep food in a pantry. Enough to meet the needs of all those you love with a little extra to share with a neighbor when the need arises. Beyond that if you keep too much it spoils or at the end, someone else will just eat it. 

Two things I asked of Thee, do not refuse me before I die:

Keep deception and lies far from me, give me neither poverty nor riches;

Feed me with the food that is my portion, lest I be full and deny Thee and say, “Who is the Lord”

Or lest I be in want and steal, and profane the name of my God. Prov. 30: 7-9

Be blessed

Money Talk(s)

So today I’m going to talk about money as it is one of, if not the most important thing in many people’s lives. Many are often surprised to learn that Jesus Himself spoke more about money than any other subject including heaven and hell. And it’s no wonder as we spend most of our waking hours in the pursuit of it. It is also the number one cause of conflicts in married couples.

I grew up a little money grubbing kid. I loved to get it and I loved to spend it. My parents did not have much of it at all; as a matter of fact it was almost nonexistent in our home save for what was needed for bare essentials. Yet the little my dad brought home, my mom knew how to manage quite well. I did not realize at the time, that she – unbeknown to her – was building a foundation for me and my siblings. She never sat us down and talked to us about it, but she modeled accountability, responsibility, and prudence without appearing to be overly frugal. To this day on a very limited fixed income, she continues her ways and when I ask her if she need any money she just says “no, if I do one day, I’ll let you know.” I know that at times we all help our parents out, usually out of desire to do things for them, like my sister getting my dad a new pair of glasses because the ones he has, have had it but he thinks they’re still ok. Or all 16 of her grandchildren giving her money for Christmas and turning the tables on her, since she usually gives it to them. None of us really know how she does it; we suspect she has some offshore account or something because she is able to do so much with so little.

How is it, that some with so little survive in basic comfort while others with decent income always seem to be in need? All of us have our reasons why we are where we are financially, but some of us when we look deep down those reasons can actually be excuses. Now I may be ruffling some feathers here but oh well, continue reading if you like.

Life causes us to change, but we first have to recognize that our current state needs to be altered. I recognized it, in my mid 20’s. I’m no longer who I was. I think completely different in almost all aspects of my life, unfortunately some people always think of you as you were and not as you are. In regards to money, that change occurred when I moved out of my parents home and lived on my own. I quickly realized that in order to not be broke all the time, I needed to change my ways.  

By the time Barbara and I decided to get married in 1984, we knew we did not want to start our relationship with any kind of debt, so our wedding 6 months later although a fair size, it was quite simple and debt free.  For our honeymoon, we did not fly somewhere exotic, but drove throughout California (which Barbara loves) and had plenty of money to do exactly what we wanted, returning about 10 days later still debt free.

In 1988 when our son was born we started thinking about school. Both Barb and I decided we wanted our children to go to a Christian school, (actually she was more sure of it than I was as I saw lots of $$$ signs) but eventually I came to agree. (One day I’ll write how we came to that conclusion as it was thought out and not just about the teaching, but how our children think about things.) We just had to figure out how. By the time my son was ready to start, we had 2 other who also needed an education. This was going to be difficult, and I knew it, but we decided that we would do what we needed to do.  

Barbara stayed home, while I went to work and like all young couples we needed what most other couples starting out did. A roof over our heads, food, clothing, etc. How could I provide all these things on my sole income?  Now mind you, I did and do have an excellent job, but many people in a similar situation struggled then and struggle now.

I knew I needed a budget. Oh there is that word – BUDGET!  Not many people like the word budget, it sounds so restricting.  This is why I think most couples don’t have one. Some think they have one, but it usually consist of a pot of money – a checking account – and a decent memory – to know what is coming up. If this is you, or a variation of you, this is not a budget.  I thought a budget would be restricting but what I found was quite the opposite, it was very freeing. It put us in total control of where we spent our money.

 So how do I start a budget, I hadn’t read any books, gone to seminars, heck at the time even Dave Ramsey was in debt. I figured what I needed to do was make a list of what I spent money on and how much I spent on average for the year.  So I made my list, it kind of looked like this:

Auto

Auto Ins

Clothes

Electrical

Gas

Groceries

Mortgage

Etc.

You get the picture. At the end it was about 20 items long, it has since grown to about 25 but some have dropped off. After determining how much each item required for the year I divided by 24 (I get paid 26 times a year, more on the 2 extra later) and made it a point to deposit that amount into each item every payday. Pretty simple right, some call this the envelope method. I just did it on paper. If I didn’t have enough, then I was living beyond my means and something needed to change, which I did. Sometimes it was hard because I needed to get rid of an item all together and I didn’t want to, but I did. Within no time it was working much better than I ever dreamed. When I need to spend say for clothes, if there was money in that account fine, if not, we had to wait.  To this day, Barb or Coryn will ask, "dad, do we have money in the clothes account?" I would answer accordinly, sometimes "no", never mind that there was $425 in the "property insurance" fund, that was spoken for. With time you get pretty good at it and there always seems to be just the right amount.  Unfortunately when you don’t have something in place all your money just goes to “one big fund” and you tend to overspend on clothes because auto insurance is not due for 6 months. Six months later auto insurance is short so you use grocery money, and the list goes on.

Hey what about those 2 extra checks. Well if you get paid every two weeks like I do (I know some of you don’t) you will find that you will get an extra one around summer time – hello vacation. You will also get another one around December – can you say Christmas. All this without messing up your budget.

I know I am oversimplifying this, but believe me it works, ask my brother who did something similar and it worked quite well.  But I do know that some people have too much debt to even start something like this. Well in a couple of days I hope to give some suggestions, that will particularly help teens and young adults just starting out, but for many of you only professional help will work. There are programs like the one by Dave Ramsey which are excellent whether you are in debt or not. One is starting this week at my church contact me if you are interested and want more information.

Again, I realize that this is just a quick overview meant more to encourage you to start SOMETHING. I don’t have all the answers, but by doing some simple things early on, Barbara and I were able to put 3 children through private school, buy a home and never pay a cent of interest to any credit card. I do not say this to boast, please believe me, I give all credit to God, who says, give unto me first of your fruit and I will meet all your needs (paraphrase). I have taught these principals to my children who even with minimal part time jobs have been able to save and spend both to the glory of God.

Coming soon – 2 incomes and still not enough

Also coming – great simple tips.

Tough Words

“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.”  Matt 10:37, wow what harsh sounding words and very hard to accept. How could Jesus expect us to live up to this, is He nuts, it’s undoable. Why? Very simple, because our natural tendency is to love our family beyond all else, so how can I put anyone before them?

At first glance, this is difficult, because it seems to imply that Jesus is telling us to love our family less and Him more. But this is not the case, as we can love our children and parent even more than we do now; we just need to love Jesus beyond that.

 Let me use money, as an example:

He who gives more money to his son or daughter, than to me is not worthy of Me. Suppose we gave our child $10 a week allowance, but gave God’s work $5 a week. This does not mean we should give our child $3 in order to prove we care more about God; we could give our child $20, but give God $25. The truth is, whatever “extra” we have, be it money, things or even love, our natural inclination is to give it to those we love most, which is often our family.

When I was a teen, I had a fairly large record collection. I loved music and I spent a lot of money buying albums and such. You can say I idolized music, I knew band names, songs and other trivia, and I loved concerts, loud music and just hanging out with friends listening to music. As I studied Gods word I realized that I could not continue to grow spiritually if I did not put God before my music. This is something I really did not want to do. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with liking music, that would be legalism, it’s just for me, at that point in my life, I knew more about music than I did about God. Music was my idol, music was my god and I liked it that way.

One day, as I was studying Gods word, including the verse above, I realized, that for ME to grow, I needed to do away with my music. I know it sounds drastic, but it was something that I needed to do. I didn’t want to and I bargained with God, trying to figure out another way, but to no avail as my priorities were off and I needed to set them straight. Once I did, I was once again free to love music as much as I wanted, although it just did not seem all that important anymore.

So God (Jesus) is not asking us to love our parents and/or children less, He actually would prefer that we love them even more, but he expects us to put Him before all else. Realize that you cannot match His love, not even for your children as He loves them more than you are even capable. Nevertheless, I know that I will struggle with this concept and must constantly examine my heart and motives so as to make sure that the Lord Jesus Christ is always in His rightful place.

We all have room to love God more. It’s just are we willing? It may not be music for you, but we all have our god that gets in the way. It’s the same god that keeps us from reading and studying His word. It’s the same god that often keeps us home on Sunday morning. For some it is things, for others it is people. What-ever or whoever it is, God will be second to none. No need to give others less, just give Him more.

I’ve had a great life thus far. I’m not some religious zealot who thinks we should just sit and pray and only talk about God. But let’s not keep God in some corner and only bring Him out for a little while on Sunday or call upon Him for the things we “need” or “want.” Let’s not treat Him as an afterthought. If we really expect to spend eternity with Him, it’s probably best we get to know Him a little better before we meet Him face to face. The last thing we want to hear is Him say, “go away, I never knew you” Matt. 7:23, which sadly He will say to many who currently profess to know him.

My Favorite Barber

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, but since I just gave my son a haircut, I thought I would bring it up.




Yesterday I got a haircut. I get one about every 6 weeks. Barbara also got a haircut she also gets one about every 6 weeks. This is where our similarities end. Hers takes about an hour and cost at least $50. Mine takes about 3 minutes and cost nothing because I do it myself. I use to go to the barber, but he charged me $5, not that $5 is a great deal, it's just that it took him all of 3 minutes and I figured at that rate he was making $100 an hour and I couldn't see myself paying more for a hair cut than Barbara did, since she actually has hair.

I use to have hair, but that was a while back, now I just have the remnants of what was once a full set. I do miss it sometimes, being able to actually comb it. I also miss using a blow dryer I'm not sure why as it is actually nice to just shower and towel dry your hair in half a second and be done with it. But I guess anyone who is sort of bald would like his hair back.

When I was a kid, we didn't have much money. My mom learned to cut our hair, not from some beauty college or anything, more from some lady named "Sorcorro" or something. It was an economic thing. I recall we would go to Mexico to visit family and the day we got there my mother spent the first 8 hours cutting all the family members hair, there was an actual waiting room. She was a traveling barbershop. bless her heart.

When my brother Ralph was going to graduate from the 6th grade, he wanted a "real haircut" the kind you pay for. So my mom gave him $2 to go to the local barber and get one. Well I was not about to be left out, so I asked my mom for $2 so I could get a "real haircut." She said no, she would give me one. That was not good enough, if my brother was getting one, I should get one too. So I wouldn't let up. Now $2 was alot of money to spend needlessly, and my mom insisted that she would give me one. but as most of you know me, I can be pretty persistent too, as I get it from her. So finally I prevailed, although she offered to give me the $2 and I could do whatever with them but she would give me the haircut. Nope, not good enough, I instead chose to visit the barber. HE BUTCHERED ME. So much so that my mom had to "fix it." I always let my mom cut my hair after that, as long as she was able.

My mom no longer cuts any ones hair, with the possible exception of my dads. I do wish I could go back in time and just sit in the back porch and let my mom take the shears to my head. I was always so impatient. It always took to long. I never enjoyed just sitting there and maybe conversing with my mom for the 20 minutes or so it actually took. Now I stand in front of a mirror, and in 2 to 3 minutes the job is done. I wish I had my hair back, not so much to comb it or "look good" haha, just so my mom could cut it - again.

A Valuable Lesson

I once read story of a man who was seeking to marry a woman. She was not particularly beautiful, in fact she was rather homely, but she was to be his bride and he would love her none the less. According to the local custom, it was common for the groom to compensate the bride’s father for his daughter’s hand. The father was not anticipating much, since “she was rather plain.” So he set the price at a few sheep and a couple of swine which was considerably less than other “more beautiful” women commanded. But the bride knew “her value” and would accept her lot in life and the scorn associated with it. Now the husband being a wise man, decided to pay much more for his bride than the father requested, in fact he paid many times what “more beautiful” women were “worth.” He knew that his wife would live up to the “value” he had given her. So after presenting her father with a very sizeable herd of cattle & goats along with flocks of sheep, his bride now walked with her head held high and a feeling of great self-worth.  At the same time, the “beautiful” women snickered among themselves yet they were envious of her and found themselves questioning their own “beauty.”

I’m not sure how accurate the story above is, but there is much truth in it. I know that in Gods eyes we have MUCH value. He says, “Even the hairs on your head, are all numbered” Matt. 10:30. But unlike God, we often place value on the outer appearance not the inward, I mean who doesn’t like to be around good looking popular people, remember high school? Yet when God choose David to be king of Israel, he said to Samuel, “man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” 1Sam 16:7.

For most of us, there is nothing we value more than our own children, and rightly so, as they are a gift from God (Psalm 127:3), but He has also entrusted us to raise them properly. So it is crucial that we instill the proper view of what is valuable in life, and accordingly we try to teach them Godly virtues. But what do we model? What does our 7 year old think when she hears us lie?  Or what does our teenage daughter ponder in her mind when we talk agreeably to someone only to gossip about them the moment they are gone. What does our language tell them about honor? Are we all smiles around others yet irritated and discontented when only the family “we love” is around? Do we think that somehow that will not matter, that in time they will adjust and turn into everything we hoped for? Let’s not fool ourselves.

I can honestly say, with the exception of one day when my son really upset me (I asked for his forgiveness afterword). Neither my children nor my wife have ever heard me curse. Now honestly do not say that in order to boast or make myself up to be something special, on the contrary I have many, many hang-ups that need addressing and some are quite a bit worse than a bad word. (So please, don’t rationalize values based on the many times you may have seen me blow it, because all you have to do is call me and I can give you a very long list). I mention it because 30 plus years ago, I cursed like the best of them, then one day I just decided to stop forever, and I have and hope to continue. My children are now adults and if they curse, I can say to them, “that does not honor God, your mother nor I and you did not learn it from me.”

I’m not out to criticize anyone, these are traits of our society, this is the new norm, this is what the world models. All one needs to do is watch most reality shows to see this. Let’s allow our children to see a difference in us, let’s show them that our hearts match our words, let’s teach them to do as I do not just as I say. Let’s be like the apostle Paul who said, “You should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ.” 1 Cor 11:1.

I know this is not an easy task. It takes discipline and you will fail time and time again. But if we continue to get up and persevere, our children will learn to love and honor what is truly valuable and important – namely people without regard to appearance or faults.

Be blessed

Juan's Famous Shrimp Cocktail - Accept no Imitations

OK, I am about to share with you my famous and easy shrimp cocktail recipe.  Be sure to share it with your friends and to take all the credit, I won't tell. 

1.  2 cups of Shrimp (I prefer medium 25-40/lb count)

2.  ¼ to 1/3 regular size cucumber (diced)

3.  1 medium size diced tomato

4.  Approximately 2 tablespoons onion

5.  About ¼ cup diced cilantro

6.  ¼ cup ketchup

7.  1 cup Clamato Juice*

8.  Garlic powder

9.  Salt & Pepper

10.  Juice from 4 limes

11.  Tapatio or similar hot sauce (optional, find it in the Mexican food section)

12. 1 small avocado - cubed

Add shrimp into boiling salty water, cook for about 4-5 minutes or until firm (don’t overcook) (You can also buy your shrimp pre-cooked, I like the ones at Trader Joes, 1lb for $5.99). Cool under running water, or save in fridge until cool.

Take first 7 ingredients and mix together in a bowl.

Add a few sprinkles of garlic powder.
Salt and pepper to taste.
Add lime juice to taste.
Add hot sauce to taste.
Serve in large cups, add avocado.

All ingredients can be adjusted to your taste, I usually make mine with extra lime juice.

If you’ve never heard of Clamato, it is a “V8” type of drink, made of tomato and clam juices. You will find it at most supermarkets usually located where you would find V8 juice. It comes regualar and spicy, I like the spicy, you can eliminate Tapatio or add it for even more flavor.

Instead of Clamato you can also do the following: buy the shrimp with shell on. After shelling the shrimp, put the shells in a small pot, add 1 ¼ cups of water with a pinch of salt, bring to boil, lower heat, simmer for about 15 minutes. Drain shells and use the broth in place of Clamato Juice.

Makes approximately four 12 to 16 oz cocktails.

Enjoy!!

Juan

A Curse to Be Me?

Ah, the “Carrera Curse.” Does it exist? Are my children destined to live with it hanging over their heads? What are the symptoms? Is there any known treatment? What causes it? This has plagued my mind for quite a while.

What is it, you wonder? Well according the family dictionary, it reads in part:

1 : a stubborn person, 2 : the need to be right, 3 : the belief that one knows a better way to do something,  4 : the presumed ability to do almost anything oneself, 5 : etc . . .

The truth is the “Carrera Curse” has never really existed; there is no such blight on its members.  Well sort of. You see it is really the “Martell Curse.”  Martell is my mother’s maiden name.  I love my mom, and she has taught my siblings and me many things: to always work hard, to constantly keep busy, and to not be afraid of doing things oneself. And although her age has caused her to slow down in recent years, some days you can still walk into her house and find the 73 year old on a ladder cleaning a high ceiling or moving furniture for the umpteen time.  My dad, who himself, always worked hard, just shakes his head and follows her wishes as he knows he cannot out argue her (he is very wise).

My dad and I laugh, because my mom still insists, almost to the point where she gets a bit upset, that I take my coffee with sweetener.  It’s not right, it doesn’t taste right, it needs sugar, she says.  Or if I’m chopping an onion – at my house – she often wants to take the knife right out of my hand and chop it for me. Oh I love her and one day I will miss that so much. But for now I joke about it with her and she laughs because, like us, she really doesn’t notice it and is just trying to be helpful.

This “trait” of my mother’s has been passed down to me and all four of my sibling. Don’t get me wrong, it can be great, for example: 9 years ago, I decided it would be good to add on to my house. I wanted to add about 900 sq. feet and a new oversize garage. Hey why hire someone, do it yourself. Well when you have 4 siblings who kind of egg you on, with “oh yeah, it’ll be easy” or “piece of cake” you just do it. I now have 900 extra feet and a great garage. Or a couple of weeks ago, when I need to replace a clutch on an old car, which requires removing the transmission, well I can now drive that car.  I will not tell you about me staring at a half built garage and thinking “what in the world was I thinking?” Or trying to install that clutch and crying like a baby out of frustration.

Believe me as much as it may impress some, it is a curse to a point. I do learn, I will never repipe my own house – again. Nor will I ever install my own central heating and air conditioning – again. I will never build my own kitchen cabinets – again. You see, I actually have learned what I can and cannot do. And there is a lot I cannot do. More than I ever thought.

I am VERY stubborn, there I said it! Happy now? You see I know everyone knows this except my siblings and me. I actually do know it now. I first realized just how stubborn I (we) were about 20 years ago. All 5 of us siblings where playing Pictionary with our spouses. The 10 of us are sitting around a table. There was an argument and as I stepped back (to breath I think); I noticed that all 5 of our spouses were leaning back away from the table and all 5 of us siblings were leaning into the table arguing whether or not that picture was an accurate representation of a cat or something. WOW, I thought – we all have “the curse!”

I am happy to report that I am in recovery and with Barbara’s help, I am slowly making progress. Neither my son David nor daughter Coryn “suffer” from this, but unfortunately, sometimes I see my beautiful daughter Esther with just a tinge of it.  LOL!