A Valuable Lesson

I once read story of a man who was seeking to marry a woman. She was not particularly beautiful, in fact she was rather homely, but she was to be his bride and he would love her none the less. According to the local custom, it was common for the groom to compensate the bride’s father for his daughter’s hand. The father was not anticipating much, since “she was rather plain.” So he set the price at a few sheep and a couple of swine which was considerably less than other “more beautiful” women commanded. But the bride knew “her value” and would accept her lot in life and the scorn associated with it. Now the husband being a wise man, decided to pay much more for his bride than the father requested, in fact he paid many times what “more beautiful” women were “worth.” He knew that his wife would live up to the “value” he had given her. So after presenting her father with a very sizeable herd of cattle & goats along with flocks of sheep, his bride now walked with her head held high and a feeling of great self-worth.  At the same time, the “beautiful” women snickered among themselves yet they were envious of her and found themselves questioning their own “beauty.”

I’m not sure how accurate the story above is, but there is much truth in it. I know that in Gods eyes we have MUCH value. He says, “Even the hairs on your head, are all numbered” Matt. 10:30. But unlike God, we often place value on the outer appearance not the inward, I mean who doesn’t like to be around good looking popular people, remember high school? Yet when God choose David to be king of Israel, he said to Samuel, “man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” 1Sam 16:7.

For most of us, there is nothing we value more than our own children, and rightly so, as they are a gift from God (Psalm 127:3), but He has also entrusted us to raise them properly. So it is crucial that we instill the proper view of what is valuable in life, and accordingly we try to teach them Godly virtues. But what do we model? What does our 7 year old think when she hears us lie?  Or what does our teenage daughter ponder in her mind when we talk agreeably to someone only to gossip about them the moment they are gone. What does our language tell them about honor? Are we all smiles around others yet irritated and discontented when only the family “we love” is around? Do we think that somehow that will not matter, that in time they will adjust and turn into everything we hoped for? Let’s not fool ourselves.

I can honestly say, with the exception of one day when my son really upset me (I asked for his forgiveness afterword). Neither my children nor my wife have ever heard me curse. Now honestly do not say that in order to boast or make myself up to be something special, on the contrary I have many, many hang-ups that need addressing and some are quite a bit worse than a bad word. (So please, don’t rationalize values based on the many times you may have seen me blow it, because all you have to do is call me and I can give you a very long list). I mention it because 30 plus years ago, I cursed like the best of them, then one day I just decided to stop forever, and I have and hope to continue. My children are now adults and if they curse, I can say to them, “that does not honor God, your mother nor I and you did not learn it from me.”

I’m not out to criticize anyone, these are traits of our society, this is the new norm, this is what the world models. All one needs to do is watch most reality shows to see this. Let’s allow our children to see a difference in us, let’s show them that our hearts match our words, let’s teach them to do as I do not just as I say. Let’s be like the apostle Paul who said, “You should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ.” 1 Cor 11:1.

I know this is not an easy task. It takes discipline and you will fail time and time again. But if we continue to get up and persevere, our children will learn to love and honor what is truly valuable and important – namely people without regard to appearance or faults.

Be blessed