Who Were You

It’s been a long time coming but yesterday afternoon I spent some time cleaning my office. One can accumulate a lot of stuff in 30 years.  In doing so, I came across a large box of pictures that the previous supervisor had been the ward of. As I went through some of these, (there were 100’s as my group consistent of over 65 mostly men) I recognized not only myself in some, but many of my co-workers, long since retired and some who unfortunately are no longer with us.  There were candid snapshots of individuals working at their desk. Group shots at various retirements and Christmas parties, others were more formal individual pictures to be used for retirement books or whenever a “passport type” photo was needed. These pictures easily spanned 20-75 years and included old friends who I met in my early 20’s while they were in their 50's and  60’s. There were many pics of my older co-workers as they looked while in their prime, full of youth and vigor, a stark contrast to what some were to become and what I had known them as.

I stared deeply into the eyes of those in some of those photographs, as I found it hard to believe these could be the same gray haired old guys that I had once known and spent so much time with.  I saw Terry, who was my lead for 3 years.  He was 40 years my senior being 65 when he retired, but here he was staring back at me at about 30 or 35 years of age. I could now understand how he could have been a tough soldier during WW2, and in charge of a large enemy prison in France as he often reminded me. No wonder he got so upset when those of my generation called America “stupid” for involvement in the likes of Libya. I pulled out pictures of Alex, who was a bit younger than Terry but every bit as tough after 3 tours of Vietnam. I saw Stewart, who once was a handsome young man in his 20's but I knew him only as a nice white haired old man with furrows deep in his face, yet always helpful and friendly towards me.  I have nothing but admiration for these men. Even today, though they are gone, they still bring a smile to my face. They were my friends.

Yet others had a different effect on me. Some who had been less than pleasant in my opinion and whom I had not seen or thought of much in 20+ years stared back at me also. Shamefully I admit that words like “jerk”,” knucklehead”, “thoughtless”, “screw-up” came to mind. It got me thinking about the fact that there in this box were pictures of me. Pictures that someday many of those that I currently work with and supervise will one day look at. Where will I fall? That will they think? I know we all have faults and all of us can be jerks and thoughtless at times, and as a matter of fact those very words may come to your mind when you think of me. I understand, I accept it and I apologize. But just as Terry and Alex, could tick me off at times, and they did. For the most part they left me with a positive influence.

I recognize that I must strive to live a life that makes others glad to have known me. To leave at least a small void in their life once I leave my job or this world. It can be difficult. Our natural, "let's get one over on him" tendency, predominantly in men is to be harsh and frequently cruel, often as “sport” particularly when one is young. When men get comfortable with each other, we think nothing of insulting each other subtlety. As we age, most tone it down a bit, but others continue.  I’m sure we can all look back at Jr. High and High school and have negative views of those that were cruelest to us. This is the memory they left on us, most likely until the day we die. Teenage girls and young women likewise can be especially malicious and vindictive to other females especially if it involves some guy in any way.

Well all I can do is watch my own tongue and teach my children to do the same. Christ Himself said, "it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a man, but what comes out" (Matt. 15:11-20). Likewise Paul said; "let no unwholesome words come out of your mouth" (Eph. 4:29). James called the tongue "a fire," and "full of deadly poison" (James 3:6-8)

I could go on and on, but I won’t. These pictures just made me think how quick life goes by and how I only have a brief time to influence those around me for good. I want those who know me and will know me to say. "Yeah, he could be brash at times, but I miss him and I’m glad to have had him be part of my life".  That’s a tall order, particularly with those who have no choice but to spend time with you, like fellow employees. Let’s enrich their lives not make them suffer through it because of us.