Who Were You

It’s been a long time coming but yesterday afternoon I spent some time cleaning my office. One can accumulate a lot of stuff in 30 years.  In doing so, I came across a large box of pictures that the previous supervisor had been the ward of. As I went through some of these, (there were 100’s as my group consistent of over 65 mostly men) I recognized not only myself in some, but many of my co-workers, long since retired and some who unfortunately are no longer with us.  There were candid snapshots of individuals working at their desk. Group shots at various retirements and Christmas parties, others were more formal individual pictures to be used for retirement books or whenever a “passport type” photo was needed. These pictures easily spanned 20-75 years and included old friends who I met in my early 20’s while they were in their 50's and  60’s. There were many pics of my older co-workers as they looked while in their prime, full of youth and vigor, a stark contrast to what some were to become and what I had known them as.

I stared deeply into the eyes of those in some of those photographs, as I found it hard to believe these could be the same gray haired old guys that I had once known and spent so much time with.  I saw Terry, who was my lead for 3 years.  He was 40 years my senior being 65 when he retired, but here he was staring back at me at about 30 or 35 years of age. I could now understand how he could have been a tough soldier during WW2, and in charge of a large enemy prison in France as he often reminded me. No wonder he got so upset when those of my generation called America “stupid” for involvement in the likes of Libya. I pulled out pictures of Alex, who was a bit younger than Terry but every bit as tough after 3 tours of Vietnam. I saw Stewart, who once was a handsome young man in his 20's but I knew him only as a nice white haired old man with furrows deep in his face, yet always helpful and friendly towards me.  I have nothing but admiration for these men. Even today, though they are gone, they still bring a smile to my face. They were my friends.

Yet others had a different effect on me. Some who had been less than pleasant in my opinion and whom I had not seen or thought of much in 20+ years stared back at me also. Shamefully I admit that words like “jerk”,” knucklehead”, “thoughtless”, “screw-up” came to mind. It got me thinking about the fact that there in this box were pictures of me. Pictures that someday many of those that I currently work with and supervise will one day look at. Where will I fall? That will they think? I know we all have faults and all of us can be jerks and thoughtless at times, and as a matter of fact those very words may come to your mind when you think of me. I understand, I accept it and I apologize. But just as Terry and Alex, could tick me off at times, and they did. For the most part they left me with a positive influence.

I recognize that I must strive to live a life that makes others glad to have known me. To leave at least a small void in their life once I leave my job or this world. It can be difficult. Our natural, "let's get one over on him" tendency, predominantly in men is to be harsh and frequently cruel, often as “sport” particularly when one is young. When men get comfortable with each other, we think nothing of insulting each other subtlety. As we age, most tone it down a bit, but others continue.  I’m sure we can all look back at Jr. High and High school and have negative views of those that were cruelest to us. This is the memory they left on us, most likely until the day we die. Teenage girls and young women likewise can be especially malicious and vindictive to other females especially if it involves some guy in any way.

Well all I can do is watch my own tongue and teach my children to do the same. Christ Himself said, "it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a man, but what comes out" (Matt. 15:11-20). Likewise Paul said; "let no unwholesome words come out of your mouth" (Eph. 4:29). James called the tongue "a fire," and "full of deadly poison" (James 3:6-8)

I could go on and on, but I won’t. These pictures just made me think how quick life goes by and how I only have a brief time to influence those around me for good. I want those who know me and will know me to say. "Yeah, he could be brash at times, but I miss him and I’m glad to have had him be part of my life".  That’s a tall order, particularly with those who have no choice but to spend time with you, like fellow employees. Let’s enrich their lives not make them suffer through it because of us.

The Man in the Mirror

Sometimes when I pass by  a mirror and look through the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of my father looking back at me. It's quite startling. Most boys at a young age dream about being just like their dad. That quickly changes when you become a teenager or young adult, the last thing you want is to become your father.

When I was a kid of 9 or 10, my dad early on a Saturday morning would come into the bedroom I shared with my brothers and say to me, "get up, we're going to go work." My brother David was to young and my brother Ralph was to studious to go, although sometimes he did, but I rarely got away. As a child it was fun, I'd watch and learn as my dad used the few power tools he had to do this and that. He was not much of a craftsman, but he got an A+ for effort.  My dad had a very limited education and worked most of his life as a laborer, but he was always a very hard worker. He worked mostly with wood products, so although he was limited in what he could do, he was always willing to work on almost anything we needed, including the likes of porches, windows, roofing, concrete and homemade cabinets. Some projects weren't always much to look at and some had distinctive "flaws" in them, my mother cherished and used anything he could or was willing to make that could better our home at least a bit. For much of his life he worked where they made doors, so he became "proficient" (actually proficient is a strong word) at hanging doors. Frequently he would take me with him to a job, that is hang a door or two at someones home. As I got older, I really started to hate being woken up at 6:00 to go hang a door at some guys house particularly when it took most of my already limited weekend. He was fair though and he would often split the $30 or $40 dollars he would charge to do the job.

Many times he brought home scrap wood or damaged doors that he would buy for a buck or two. As a boy of 9 or 10 I would use it to make all sorts of projects. We had a cellar of sorts where we would store all this wood along with various tools my dad owned. I would use these to make all kinds of cool things while listening to 60's era rock on 93 KHJ radio. My favorite by far was making go-carts. Some would be elaborate with steering wheels and foot brakes and anything else we could dream up. Living on a hill provided the perfect environment to ride these "vehicles" with the hope that the brakes would work and you'd walk away after a fast and thrilling ride. If you have ever seen "The Little Rascals" then you've seen us, except it was more of a Mexican version with my friends Tomas & George.

As I got older I realized that although I thought I was just helping my dad, I actually was becoming a bit like him. I would (as my brother’s would and do) think nothing of taking on a project. Now some of those projects I had no business doing, but back then I didn't know it. And like my father, sometimes things didn't turn out quite like I envisioned. I remember my dad doing something, like cutting a door and then trying to put it up and kinda scratching his head and looking at it with a queer gaze because he knew as I knew that something wasn't quite right. But we would take it in stride and would somehow "fix it."

He tried his hand at anything and everything, plumbing, electrical, drywall, masonry,whatever needed doing, I mean he had no choice. It was do it yourself or do without. Now don't get me wrong, my dad did a great deal right and often met with success. But as I look back now I realize I learned a lot more from my dad than I imagined. He was the typical Mexican dad, whose very presence demanded respect. No need to say anything, a simple stare spoke volumes. You never talked back, and you never acted stupid in front of him.

I guess mostly he showed me what it was to be a man. I don’t think he was trying to,mind you, he was just modeling it. I remember he always came home and gave my mom a kiss. He always handed her his whole check and she took care of him and us with it. And in return I never saw my dad raise a hand to my mother,(although he raised a few at me). And this may be hard to believe, but I never saw my parents fight, now I'm not saying they didn't, I just never saw it. I'm sure I heard a few arguments but never in anger or yelling. My dad is still around and at 81 he moves a bit slower than he once did. He spends the day with the same women he has for last 53 years, often bragging about his 5 children whom collectively celebrated about 115 years of marriage all to their first and only spouses. He and my moms hearts only beat to spend the remaining years of their lives enjoying their 8 granddaughters and 8 grandsons. They are his(and hers) reward for the fine job he did. So if I do become more like my father, it may in fact be a very, very good thing after all.

Patience Makes Cents

When I was 16, I was in downtown Los Angeles for some reason. I remember buying something and getting change. I noticed that one of the pennies I was given was a “wheat penny.” Wheat pennies were minted from 1909 to 1959. They are called “wheat pennies” because they have two heads of wheat on the back as opposed to the Lincoln Memorial that was stamped from 1960 until recently. Most people today that get a “wheat penny” hold on to it as it is considered valuable, although with a few exception the majority are still not worth more than a quarter.  I’ve never been much of a collector as I always would rather spend what little money happened to come my way regardless of “wheat” or anything else for that matter. Well it just so happened that I had recently been given a price guide on collectible coins. When I got home, I took the coins from my pocket and started to look them up. None had any value what-so-ever, until I pulled out that “wheat penny.”  I looked at the date and behold it was a 1909. Wow, I thought, jackpot. Sure enough it was valued at over $40. But wait; if it had an “S” below Lincoln the value was almost double! Sure enough, an “S” But wait once again. If it had a V.D.B. on the back it was the rarest of all wheat pennies and worth almost $150 (1977) dollars. Could it be, was I to be so lucky? Of course, I could hardly believe my eyes, I was rich.

The following I found online:

The 1909 S VDB is the rarest Lincoln cent by date and mintmark, with only 484,000 released for circulation. It is indeed one of the most expensive regular-strike (non-error) rarities of modern U.S. coins. It is also one of those coins that has seen virtually nothing but upward trends in values for the last several decades.

The value of a 1909 S VDB cent is around $750-800 in Good, and upwards of $1,800-2,000 in uncirculated grades. There have been some badly worn, even damaged, 1909 S VDB pennies that can be occasionally found on eBay and in coin dealers’ catalogs. Yet, even these unsightly pieces often go for at least a few hundred dollars.

To this day, most amateur coin collectors lack this one coin and often fill their missing set with a replica.


But to continue with my story. Knowing that the better shape the coin was the more value it had. And wanting to sell it immediately to get my grubby hands on that cold hard cash, I called my friend Tom, who had a car and for the price of a hamburger would drive me to a couple of eager resellers I had found who were located in Hollywood. On our way to Hollywood, where my treasures lay, I asked Tom to stop at this little store, I had worked there during the summer and wanted to borrow some jewelry cleaner from my old boss. I didn’t ask him for advice, just told him I need to clean something and I would return it later. My impulsiveness allowed me to drop the coin in the solution without bothering to read the label. After driving for ½ an hour or so, we arrived in Hollywood and parked. I retrieved my coin and to my horror it was now deep green in color. The label said, “Do not leave in for more than 90 seconds” but who has time to read. Well I’m a smart guy, what this coin needs is just a little tarnish. So I preceded to buy myself a pack of cigarettes figuring I could extinguish them on the coin and it would tarnish it bring back that cool copper look. This was not successful as I further ruined this once valuable coin.


Needless to say, the coin dealers were not all that eager to buy this coin from a teenage Mexican boy that stunk like cigarettes. Finally I stopped at a coin shop and the owner was really nice. He told me that this coin was extremely rare and that I should keep it because it was so hard to come by.  I begged him to buy it from me, he was reluctant as he was a dealer and tried real hard to get me to go home and save it for a few years. Finally I got him to give me $10 for it. He told me it was a mistake on my part, I thought, who cares, give me the money. I took the money, thanked him and left. I gave Tom a couple of bucks for gas, then we went and ate some burgers, that along with the cigarettes pretty much ate up the $10 I had just received.

I’ve always been very impulsive. It has gotten me in trouble and has cost me quite a bit of money. Not to mention this is not a good trait and is one of the many bad traits I need to work on. God tells us in 1Thes 5:14 to be patient. This is difficult, particularly when we feel we have been violated, as when someone wrongs us, when someone cuts us off, when we are accused for something we did not do, etc. Our natural response is to get even, to right the wrong, to take vengeance of sorts.

Being impulsive stems from a lack of patience and self-control. Two things that God tells us we should demonstrate and listed among the fruits of the Spirit.

 ²² But the fruit that the Spirit produces in a person’s life is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these kinds of things. ²⁴ Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their sinful self. They have given up their old selfish feelings and the evil things they wanted to do. Gal 5:22-24

The fruit of the spirit is an indicator of God’s work in our lives and is also evidence of those who belong to Christ.


Webster’s defines the word patient as:

1. bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint

 ² My brothers and sisters, you will have many kinds of trouble. But this gives you a reason to be very happy. ³ You know that when your faith is tested, you learn to be patient in suffering. ⁴ If you let that patience work in you, the end result will be good. You will be mature and complete. You will be all that God wants you to be. James 1:2-4

2. manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain

3. not hasty or impetuous

The apostle Peter was impetuous and impatient, he was always the first to speak up, yet often said the wrong thing. As a matter of fact he was originally named Simon until Jesus changed his name to Peter. Yet every time Peter did something wrong or dumb, Jesus would again use his old name, because he was acting like his old self.

The apostles John and his brother James where hasty to the point of being scolded by Jesus naming them “sons of thunder” for being “hot-headed” and literally wanting to take immediate vengeance when they were “threatened.”  At one point wanting to call fire from heaven to consume those who they believed wronged them. Luke 9:54-55

It defines self-control as:


restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions, or desires.

 ¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20

In the original Greek, it comes from the same root word use to describe Olympic athletes who in preparing themselves for the games abstained from unwholesome food, wine and sexual indulgence.


So it seems I’m in good company, never the less, just as Christ rebuked  Peter (who seemed to constantly stick his foot in his mouth) and just as He scolded John and his brother James for their lack of self-control (And some of you thought that the apostles walked around with halos all their lives, lol). They were a lot like us – sinful men who struggled with all sorts of problems, until through the power of Gods spirit they were transformed and did wonders for God’s kingdom.


As silly and funny as the coin situation was as I look back on it, it often reminds me of what could have been had I just took the time to think things out. (BTW, this was just a “safe” story to tell, as I am too embarrassed to share the dumber ones) As I got older, I continued to avoid keeping my impulsiveness in check, much to the demise of my wallet and sometimes my physical & spiritual well-being. I still tend to struggle with this infirmity, but like most “illnesses” (and I use this term very loosely) if we take the right “prescription” there is a cure. That “prescription” is God’s word, and like any medication, when left on a shelf, it does no good. Likewise neither does it help much if you only take it once a week. It is said that an old worn bible is the best indicator of a strong spiritual life, I believe this.  Peter, John and James all went on to preach God word, leading to salvation for multitudes of lost souls, but not until they spent years by Jesus side. I expect to meet them one day and I expect them to be a lot like me - just a bunch of sinners saved by grace. But first, just like them, I need to spend time by Jesus side, taking care of this impulsive and impatient life of mine.

Part 2 of Money Talk(s)

This is a continuation of sorts, so you may want to read my prior post before reading this one.

In the 60’s my father was able to buy a home. It wasn’t much by any means. As a matter of fact it was probably one of the more distressed ones in what was already a tattered neighborhood in East L.A. None the less, my father with his sole factory worker income was able to purchase a home for his stay at home wife and his 5 children.  It was not easy and as I mentioned in my previous post, my mother was instrumental in taking that income and using in such a wise way so as to meet all our needs while having to deprive herself and sometimes us of many of our wants.

Now let me premise this by saying, I know this is no longer the 1960’s and that many, many of you need two incomes to meet the NEEDS of your family. I do get that. But since this is MY blog, I get to say what I want, because as the title says, it’s ok to disagree, you have the right to be wrong, haha. Let me also state, that as some of you know Barbara does work, so I’ve been on both sides.

What is the purpose of writing this, well for the most part it is just to continue with my talk about money. It is also meant to encourage some, and maybe give an additional perspective to others. These are difficult times and I don’t claim to be any kind of financial anything, everything I say, comes from what I’ve learned through experience, what I gleaned from various people (including my mom), what I’ve read and mostly what God has showed me through His word. The last one, whenever I followed it, proved infallible time and time again. Let me also add, that I don’t claim to have a stockpile of money, not by a long shot (not by a very, very, very long shot) Barbara and I continually have to make decisions based on limited financial resources. But because some simple truths we’ve learned, we do not have to live paycheck to paycheck. These are basic truths, to illustrate; I’ll use my son as an example.

From their youth, I have taught my children to divide their money, into 3 parts, give, save and spend. They have particularly been consistent in tithing (giving to God). In any case, my son who is a musician (a very tough business). Last year he made about $17,000 from playing and from working part time in a music store, but mostly from playing. He lives at home, but he rents our little guest house. And yes, I do charge him to live there, because life is not free.  So he pays me $225 a month, (BTW, he is two months ahead) and pays for all his own “stuff” for the most part. Since he is self employed, he must pay a lot of self employee tax in addition to income tax.  I asked him, how much have you saved. He said $4000. This is in addition to his checking. That to me was impressive.  No debt, pays his way and decent savings. He also mentioned that when he picked up a check this week, they gave him two, one for two weeks before. He had forgotten about that one. Believe me; nobody forgets a check, when you live check to check.

As I mentioned above there was a time when one relatively low income could not only raise a family but buy a home, albeit rather modestly. That’s the key word – modestly. As a society, we have forgotten how to live modestly. I remember as a youth, that “rich” people drove luxury cars, such a Lincoln and Cadillac’s. Now there are so many luxury cars out there, it seems even those who work part time drive cars nicer than mine. I’m not knocking luxury cars, I’d love one, but that just does not fit in my current financial plan, I actually could buy one, but at the expense of something currently more important. Many in our culture, also do not want anything used, be it a car, refrigerator or a couch. We all like new, but let’s face it, sometimes used makes sense, particularly when you’re young and starting out.  So for those young adults or young married couples, if you chose to furnish your place with hand me downs now, when you are older, you will be able to buy new, or vice versa.

About 10 years ago when my wife asked me about her working, (and yes my lovely wife, always asks me, not tells me. This is something she does out of respect for me, as the leader of our home and something I truly appreciate about her. 95% of the time I tell her to do as she thinks, but I like the fact that she respects me enough to ask). Anyway, of course we could use the money as by now all of our children were in private school, she had gone to school to be a teacher and a job was available at our children’s school. But it meant she would be gone a lot. This is still something I deal with, just the amount of work involved. So we decided that it would be o.k., not ideal, but private high school was coming as was college.  I only had one condition. Some of her money would be used to help pay for school and the rest I wanted no part of it.  I did not want her to contribute to our household income at all. Why? Good question.  When my younger brother David was about 24, he was making about $10 an hour, I asked him how much would be enough? He said, "$15 will do it, that would be enough".  Years later when he got a much better job, I asked if $15 was enough, “yeah right” there is no way. You see, once your income rises, it is near impossible to go back, at least voluntarily. So I told Barb, use the money you earn for things for the house, for yourself, for gifts, to help the kids, etc. In other words, for wants, not needs. It has been that way for over 10 years and it continues today. I know some of you may think, well you didn’t’ have to buy certain things with your income, because she paid for it with hers. I realize that, but when all the math is done, I know that if she quit, things would change to an extent, but that option is open to her because of the decision we made over 10 years ago.  BTW, if she continues to work, she can retire when I retire, regardless of her age.

Again, as I mentioned earlier, I know some of you do not have this option, even with both of you working your NEEDS are barely being met. I don’t judge you at all, and for you moms who are fortunate to stay home, you should not judge them either, just as working moms should not judge those who stay home. What we all should do is make sure we are using our God given resources in a way that honors God and our spouses. Like I mentioned, I don’t have all the answers, particularly for those who are really struggling with things like upside-down mortgages, loss of job, health issues, bankruptcy, etc. I do not know enough to offer you any solution other than to say, you need to seek Godly professional help. This simple blog is just to offer some encouragement and a perspective, you may have not considered. Please don’t be offended or write back just to tell me I don’t understand, as you are most likely right. Take it for what it’s worth, for some of you it may be nothing, that's ok.

With that, here are a few simple things I have done in the past that has helped me:

·        When (and if) you get a raise, save part of it. You’ll still get a raise and you’ll also get some savings.

·        Automate. I know many of you still don’t trust computers, but let’s face it they’re involved in everything we do, so have part of your check; what-ever it is, deducted automatically and deposit in a savings account. Pay bills online, save on postage.

·        Save all year for Christmas. Nothing stresses parents out like not having any money for Christmas. Use the above method to save for Christmas. Also remember what I mentioned about Christmas in my last blog.

·        Use Cash. Most people don’t like to let it go, so use that to your advantage, forget the credit card.

·        Give God his share. If you claim to be Gods child give Him his share. For those of you who think the church just uses it for its own desires. Shame on you, I’ve been on many church boards and we (the board) decided where it was spent. Believe me, it’s not easy and the last thing we want to do is mismanage what God has entrusted to us.

“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and TEST me now in this,” says the Lord of hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven, and pour out for YOU a blessing until it overflows”. Mal. 3:10

·        Live on a budget. Stop procrastinating and just make one and stick to it. It works, believe me.

·        Know how to shop. Research, know what things cost. Know if you are getting a good deal, don’t trust the salesman that it’s a good deal. Example, fruit and vegetables are much, much cheaper at many of these “Mexican” or “Asian” markets than at Ralphs; just don’t buy things like toothpaste there.  You have to learn this.

·        Buy in bulk – but only if needed. I treat my garage, like a warehouse, when I run out of laundry detergent, I go to the garage and get another large container, and then I restock the garage, so we always have laundry detergent, at a cheaper price instead of running to Ralphs to buy a small expensive container.

·        Teach your children. Children are not taught finances. They usually learn by getting in debt. Teach them so they can avoid that.

·        Collect money. What I recently began doing was collecting $5 bills. Every time I get a $5 bill I save it. When I get enough I put it in the bank or use them for cash at home. They add up quickly and you can control they’re accumulation.  $5 is too much? Then do $50, yeah I said $50. You rarely get them, you can tell whoever is giving it to you to give you 2 $20’s and a $10 instead, but once in awhile you’ll get one, try to save it. To hard? Then save all change, never spend change, use it as your vacation fund. Have your children collect quarters, the rule is, they can’t spend quarters, they could only save them and trade them in for spendable $5 or $10 bills. You’ll be amazed at how quickly they learn.

·        Cut back on the wants. Wants will never go away, they can’t be satisfied. All we could do is learn to deal with them.

I could go on and on, but I’ll stop.

We have a decently stocked pantry. Inside you can usually find a number of things to eat. Our neighbors the Enriquez’s sometimes call us and ask if we happen to have a particular item, be it a couple of onions or a cup of oats as an example. Often we do and share it with them, we sometimes call them and they do the same. Once in a while I will find a half bag filled with potatoes that have vines growing out of them, and are no longer fit to eat, I bought to much.

Having a great deal of money can seem like a great thing, and it is if used properly. We all want to make sure we have enough to meet our current and future needs. But I’ve come to the conclusion that life is too short. We should keep money like we keep food in a pantry. Enough to meet the needs of all those you love with a little extra to share with a neighbor when the need arises. Beyond that if you keep too much it spoils or at the end, someone else will just eat it. 

Two things I asked of Thee, do not refuse me before I die:

Keep deception and lies far from me, give me neither poverty nor riches;

Feed me with the food that is my portion, lest I be full and deny Thee and say, “Who is the Lord”

Or lest I be in want and steal, and profane the name of my God. Prov. 30: 7-9

Be blessed

Money Talk(s)

So today I’m going to talk about money as it is one of, if not the most important thing in many people’s lives. Many are often surprised to learn that Jesus Himself spoke more about money than any other subject including heaven and hell. And it’s no wonder as we spend most of our waking hours in the pursuit of it. It is also the number one cause of conflicts in married couples.

I grew up a little money grubbing kid. I loved to get it and I loved to spend it. My parents did not have much of it at all; as a matter of fact it was almost nonexistent in our home save for what was needed for bare essentials. Yet the little my dad brought home, my mom knew how to manage quite well. I did not realize at the time, that she – unbeknown to her – was building a foundation for me and my siblings. She never sat us down and talked to us about it, but she modeled accountability, responsibility, and prudence without appearing to be overly frugal. To this day on a very limited fixed income, she continues her ways and when I ask her if she need any money she just says “no, if I do one day, I’ll let you know.” I know that at times we all help our parents out, usually out of desire to do things for them, like my sister getting my dad a new pair of glasses because the ones he has, have had it but he thinks they’re still ok. Or all 16 of her grandchildren giving her money for Christmas and turning the tables on her, since she usually gives it to them. None of us really know how she does it; we suspect she has some offshore account or something because she is able to do so much with so little.

How is it, that some with so little survive in basic comfort while others with decent income always seem to be in need? All of us have our reasons why we are where we are financially, but some of us when we look deep down those reasons can actually be excuses. Now I may be ruffling some feathers here but oh well, continue reading if you like.

Life causes us to change, but we first have to recognize that our current state needs to be altered. I recognized it, in my mid 20’s. I’m no longer who I was. I think completely different in almost all aspects of my life, unfortunately some people always think of you as you were and not as you are. In regards to money, that change occurred when I moved out of my parents home and lived on my own. I quickly realized that in order to not be broke all the time, I needed to change my ways.  

By the time Barbara and I decided to get married in 1984, we knew we did not want to start our relationship with any kind of debt, so our wedding 6 months later although a fair size, it was quite simple and debt free.  For our honeymoon, we did not fly somewhere exotic, but drove throughout California (which Barbara loves) and had plenty of money to do exactly what we wanted, returning about 10 days later still debt free.

In 1988 when our son was born we started thinking about school. Both Barb and I decided we wanted our children to go to a Christian school, (actually she was more sure of it than I was as I saw lots of $$$ signs) but eventually I came to agree. (One day I’ll write how we came to that conclusion as it was thought out and not just about the teaching, but how our children think about things.) We just had to figure out how. By the time my son was ready to start, we had 2 other who also needed an education. This was going to be difficult, and I knew it, but we decided that we would do what we needed to do.  

Barbara stayed home, while I went to work and like all young couples we needed what most other couples starting out did. A roof over our heads, food, clothing, etc. How could I provide all these things on my sole income?  Now mind you, I did and do have an excellent job, but many people in a similar situation struggled then and struggle now.

I knew I needed a budget. Oh there is that word – BUDGET!  Not many people like the word budget, it sounds so restricting.  This is why I think most couples don’t have one. Some think they have one, but it usually consist of a pot of money – a checking account – and a decent memory – to know what is coming up. If this is you, or a variation of you, this is not a budget.  I thought a budget would be restricting but what I found was quite the opposite, it was very freeing. It put us in total control of where we spent our money.

 So how do I start a budget, I hadn’t read any books, gone to seminars, heck at the time even Dave Ramsey was in debt. I figured what I needed to do was make a list of what I spent money on and how much I spent on average for the year.  So I made my list, it kind of looked like this:

Auto

Auto Ins

Clothes

Electrical

Gas

Groceries

Mortgage

Etc.

You get the picture. At the end it was about 20 items long, it has since grown to about 25 but some have dropped off. After determining how much each item required for the year I divided by 24 (I get paid 26 times a year, more on the 2 extra later) and made it a point to deposit that amount into each item every payday. Pretty simple right, some call this the envelope method. I just did it on paper. If I didn’t have enough, then I was living beyond my means and something needed to change, which I did. Sometimes it was hard because I needed to get rid of an item all together and I didn’t want to, but I did. Within no time it was working much better than I ever dreamed. When I need to spend say for clothes, if there was money in that account fine, if not, we had to wait.  To this day, Barb or Coryn will ask, "dad, do we have money in the clothes account?" I would answer accordinly, sometimes "no", never mind that there was $425 in the "property insurance" fund, that was spoken for. With time you get pretty good at it and there always seems to be just the right amount.  Unfortunately when you don’t have something in place all your money just goes to “one big fund” and you tend to overspend on clothes because auto insurance is not due for 6 months. Six months later auto insurance is short so you use grocery money, and the list goes on.

Hey what about those 2 extra checks. Well if you get paid every two weeks like I do (I know some of you don’t) you will find that you will get an extra one around summer time – hello vacation. You will also get another one around December – can you say Christmas. All this without messing up your budget.

I know I am oversimplifying this, but believe me it works, ask my brother who did something similar and it worked quite well.  But I do know that some people have too much debt to even start something like this. Well in a couple of days I hope to give some suggestions, that will particularly help teens and young adults just starting out, but for many of you only professional help will work. There are programs like the one by Dave Ramsey which are excellent whether you are in debt or not. One is starting this week at my church contact me if you are interested and want more information.

Again, I realize that this is just a quick overview meant more to encourage you to start SOMETHING. I don’t have all the answers, but by doing some simple things early on, Barbara and I were able to put 3 children through private school, buy a home and never pay a cent of interest to any credit card. I do not say this to boast, please believe me, I give all credit to God, who says, give unto me first of your fruit and I will meet all your needs (paraphrase). I have taught these principals to my children who even with minimal part time jobs have been able to save and spend both to the glory of God.

Coming soon – 2 incomes and still not enough

Also coming – great simple tips.

Tough Words

“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.”  Matt 10:37, wow what harsh sounding words and very hard to accept. How could Jesus expect us to live up to this, is He nuts, it’s undoable. Why? Very simple, because our natural tendency is to love our family beyond all else, so how can I put anyone before them?

At first glance, this is difficult, because it seems to imply that Jesus is telling us to love our family less and Him more. But this is not the case, as we can love our children and parent even more than we do now; we just need to love Jesus beyond that.

 Let me use money, as an example:

He who gives more money to his son or daughter, than to me is not worthy of Me. Suppose we gave our child $10 a week allowance, but gave God’s work $5 a week. This does not mean we should give our child $3 in order to prove we care more about God; we could give our child $20, but give God $25. The truth is, whatever “extra” we have, be it money, things or even love, our natural inclination is to give it to those we love most, which is often our family.

When I was a teen, I had a fairly large record collection. I loved music and I spent a lot of money buying albums and such. You can say I idolized music, I knew band names, songs and other trivia, and I loved concerts, loud music and just hanging out with friends listening to music. As I studied Gods word I realized that I could not continue to grow spiritually if I did not put God before my music. This is something I really did not want to do. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with liking music, that would be legalism, it’s just for me, at that point in my life, I knew more about music than I did about God. Music was my idol, music was my god and I liked it that way.

One day, as I was studying Gods word, including the verse above, I realized, that for ME to grow, I needed to do away with my music. I know it sounds drastic, but it was something that I needed to do. I didn’t want to and I bargained with God, trying to figure out another way, but to no avail as my priorities were off and I needed to set them straight. Once I did, I was once again free to love music as much as I wanted, although it just did not seem all that important anymore.

So God (Jesus) is not asking us to love our parents and/or children less, He actually would prefer that we love them even more, but he expects us to put Him before all else. Realize that you cannot match His love, not even for your children as He loves them more than you are even capable. Nevertheless, I know that I will struggle with this concept and must constantly examine my heart and motives so as to make sure that the Lord Jesus Christ is always in His rightful place.

We all have room to love God more. It’s just are we willing? It may not be music for you, but we all have our god that gets in the way. It’s the same god that keeps us from reading and studying His word. It’s the same god that often keeps us home on Sunday morning. For some it is things, for others it is people. What-ever or whoever it is, God will be second to none. No need to give others less, just give Him more.

I’ve had a great life thus far. I’m not some religious zealot who thinks we should just sit and pray and only talk about God. But let’s not keep God in some corner and only bring Him out for a little while on Sunday or call upon Him for the things we “need” or “want.” Let’s not treat Him as an afterthought. If we really expect to spend eternity with Him, it’s probably best we get to know Him a little better before we meet Him face to face. The last thing we want to hear is Him say, “go away, I never knew you” Matt. 7:23, which sadly He will say to many who currently profess to know him.

My Favorite Barber

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, but since I just gave my son a haircut, I thought I would bring it up.




Yesterday I got a haircut. I get one about every 6 weeks. Barbara also got a haircut she also gets one about every 6 weeks. This is where our similarities end. Hers takes about an hour and cost at least $50. Mine takes about 3 minutes and cost nothing because I do it myself. I use to go to the barber, but he charged me $5, not that $5 is a great deal, it's just that it took him all of 3 minutes and I figured at that rate he was making $100 an hour and I couldn't see myself paying more for a hair cut than Barbara did, since she actually has hair.

I use to have hair, but that was a while back, now I just have the remnants of what was once a full set. I do miss it sometimes, being able to actually comb it. I also miss using a blow dryer I'm not sure why as it is actually nice to just shower and towel dry your hair in half a second and be done with it. But I guess anyone who is sort of bald would like his hair back.

When I was a kid, we didn't have much money. My mom learned to cut our hair, not from some beauty college or anything, more from some lady named "Sorcorro" or something. It was an economic thing. I recall we would go to Mexico to visit family and the day we got there my mother spent the first 8 hours cutting all the family members hair, there was an actual waiting room. She was a traveling barbershop. bless her heart.

When my brother Ralph was going to graduate from the 6th grade, he wanted a "real haircut" the kind you pay for. So my mom gave him $2 to go to the local barber and get one. Well I was not about to be left out, so I asked my mom for $2 so I could get a "real haircut." She said no, she would give me one. That was not good enough, if my brother was getting one, I should get one too. So I wouldn't let up. Now $2 was alot of money to spend needlessly, and my mom insisted that she would give me one. but as most of you know me, I can be pretty persistent too, as I get it from her. So finally I prevailed, although she offered to give me the $2 and I could do whatever with them but she would give me the haircut. Nope, not good enough, I instead chose to visit the barber. HE BUTCHERED ME. So much so that my mom had to "fix it." I always let my mom cut my hair after that, as long as she was able.

My mom no longer cuts any ones hair, with the possible exception of my dads. I do wish I could go back in time and just sit in the back porch and let my mom take the shears to my head. I was always so impatient. It always took to long. I never enjoyed just sitting there and maybe conversing with my mom for the 20 minutes or so it actually took. Now I stand in front of a mirror, and in 2 to 3 minutes the job is done. I wish I had my hair back, not so much to comb it or "look good" haha, just so my mom could cut it - again.

A Valuable Lesson

I once read story of a man who was seeking to marry a woman. She was not particularly beautiful, in fact she was rather homely, but she was to be his bride and he would love her none the less. According to the local custom, it was common for the groom to compensate the bride’s father for his daughter’s hand. The father was not anticipating much, since “she was rather plain.” So he set the price at a few sheep and a couple of swine which was considerably less than other “more beautiful” women commanded. But the bride knew “her value” and would accept her lot in life and the scorn associated with it. Now the husband being a wise man, decided to pay much more for his bride than the father requested, in fact he paid many times what “more beautiful” women were “worth.” He knew that his wife would live up to the “value” he had given her. So after presenting her father with a very sizeable herd of cattle & goats along with flocks of sheep, his bride now walked with her head held high and a feeling of great self-worth.  At the same time, the “beautiful” women snickered among themselves yet they were envious of her and found themselves questioning their own “beauty.”

I’m not sure how accurate the story above is, but there is much truth in it. I know that in Gods eyes we have MUCH value. He says, “Even the hairs on your head, are all numbered” Matt. 10:30. But unlike God, we often place value on the outer appearance not the inward, I mean who doesn’t like to be around good looking popular people, remember high school? Yet when God choose David to be king of Israel, he said to Samuel, “man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” 1Sam 16:7.

For most of us, there is nothing we value more than our own children, and rightly so, as they are a gift from God (Psalm 127:3), but He has also entrusted us to raise them properly. So it is crucial that we instill the proper view of what is valuable in life, and accordingly we try to teach them Godly virtues. But what do we model? What does our 7 year old think when she hears us lie?  Or what does our teenage daughter ponder in her mind when we talk agreeably to someone only to gossip about them the moment they are gone. What does our language tell them about honor? Are we all smiles around others yet irritated and discontented when only the family “we love” is around? Do we think that somehow that will not matter, that in time they will adjust and turn into everything we hoped for? Let’s not fool ourselves.

I can honestly say, with the exception of one day when my son really upset me (I asked for his forgiveness afterword). Neither my children nor my wife have ever heard me curse. Now honestly do not say that in order to boast or make myself up to be something special, on the contrary I have many, many hang-ups that need addressing and some are quite a bit worse than a bad word. (So please, don’t rationalize values based on the many times you may have seen me blow it, because all you have to do is call me and I can give you a very long list). I mention it because 30 plus years ago, I cursed like the best of them, then one day I just decided to stop forever, and I have and hope to continue. My children are now adults and if they curse, I can say to them, “that does not honor God, your mother nor I and you did not learn it from me.”

I’m not out to criticize anyone, these are traits of our society, this is the new norm, this is what the world models. All one needs to do is watch most reality shows to see this. Let’s allow our children to see a difference in us, let’s show them that our hearts match our words, let’s teach them to do as I do not just as I say. Let’s be like the apostle Paul who said, “You should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ.” 1 Cor 11:1.

I know this is not an easy task. It takes discipline and you will fail time and time again. But if we continue to get up and persevere, our children will learn to love and honor what is truly valuable and important – namely people without regard to appearance or faults.

Be blessed